Post by flhuntress on Jan 26, 2004 10:35:29 GMT -5
Darwin Awards 2003 ...
Yes, it's the one we've all been waiting for ... the Darwin Award
2003. The candidates have finally been released! For those not
familiar with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given to the
People who provided the Universal human gene pool the biggestservice
by getting KILLED in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always,
competition again this year has been keen.
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES:
* In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta,
27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a
tie inthe game of chicken they were playing with their Snowmobiles.
* In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide
sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
* In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on
his daily run.
* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said
Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind,
and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday
afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.
People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and
shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident ofWoodbridge,
VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy
equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked
on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
* In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he
fell face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed
in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his
skull as he hit the floor.
* According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20,
was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23,
who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak
vest Berrena was wearing.
* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,
Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a
revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
trigger.
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
* In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off
a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head,
fracturing his skull.
* In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a
propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second
floors of his house.
* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his
wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew
up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit
the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would
happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP....
TACOMA, WA
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows
Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated
and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30
am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that
no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued
drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable
lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and
the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before
the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was
rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say "said Bingham, "is
that God was watching out for me on that night." "There's just no
other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER....
PADERBORN, GERMANY
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated
elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of
berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let
it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded
on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation
knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a
rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his
bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective
Erik Dern. 'with no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung
for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that
time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents
that "S**t happens."
Yes, it's the one we've all been waiting for ... the Darwin Award
2003. The candidates have finally been released! For those not
familiar with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given to the
People who provided the Universal human gene pool the biggestservice
by getting KILLED in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always,
competition again this year has been keen.
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES:
* In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta,
27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a
tie inthe game of chicken they were playing with their Snowmobiles.
* In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide
sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
* In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on
his daily run.
* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said
Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind,
and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday
afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.
People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and
shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident ofWoodbridge,
VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy
equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked
on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
* In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he
fell face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed
in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his
skull as he hit the floor.
* According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20,
was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23,
who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak
vest Berrena was wearing.
* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,
Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a
revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
trigger.
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
* In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off
a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head,
fracturing his skull.
* In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a
propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second
floors of his house.
* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his
wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew
up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit
the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would
happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP....
TACOMA, WA
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows
Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated
and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30
am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that
no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued
drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable
lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and
the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before
the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was
rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say "said Bingham, "is
that God was watching out for me on that night." "There's just no
other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER....
PADERBORN, GERMANY
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated
elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of
berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let
it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded
on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation
knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a
rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his
bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective
Erik Dern. 'with no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung
for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that
time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents
that "S**t happens."
