Post by flhuntress on Oct 31, 2003 2:05:12 GMT -5
If Dogs Sent Letters to God
"Dear God, why do humans smell the flowers, but
seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Where are their priorities?"
"Dear God, when we get to heaven, can we sit on
your couch? Or is it the same old story?"
"Dear God, why are cars named for the eagle, the
cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, the rabbit, etc., but not ONE named for a dog? How
often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs
love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'? "
"Dear God, if a dog barks his head off in the
forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?"
"Dear God, if we come back as humans, is that
good or bad?"
"Dear God, more meatballs, less spaghetti,
please."
"Dear God, when we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?"
"Dear God, are there dogs on other planets or are
we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is
the Schnauzer across the street."
"Dear God, are there mailmen in Heaven? If there
are, will I have to apologize?"
"Dear God, we dogs can understand human verbal
instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?"
"Dear God, may I PLEASE have my testicles back?"
"Dear God, these are just some of the things I
must remember to keep my present living arrangements. So, please help me remember:
#1 The garbage collector is not stealing our
stuff.
#2 I do not need to suddenly stand straight up
when I'm lying under the coffee table.
#3 I will not roll my toys behind the fridge,
behind the sofa or under the bed.
#4 I must shake the rainwater out of my fur
before entering the house.
#5 I will not eat the cats' food before they eat
it or after they throw it up.
#6 I will stop trying to find the few remaining
pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
#7 I will not throw up in the car.
#8 I will not roll on dead birds, fish, crabs,
duck poop etc., just because I like the way they smell.
#9 I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty
litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.
#10 I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins
and then redeposit them on the floor after processing.
#11 I will not chew my humans' toothbrushes and
not tell them.
#12 I will not chew crayons or pens, specially
not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
#13 When in the car, I will not insist on having
the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
#14 We do not have a doorbell so I will not bark
each time I hear one on television.
#15 I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with them.
#16 The sofa is not a face towel; neither are mom
and dad's laps.
#17 My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
#18 I will not bite the officer's hand when he
reaches in for mom's driver's license and registration.
#19 I will not play tug-of-war with dad's
underwear when he's on the toilet.
#20 I will not roll around in the dirt right
after getting a bath.
#21 Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not
an acceptable way of saying "hello."
#22 I will not sit in the middle of the living
room and lick my crotch when company is over.
#23 The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play
with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
"Dear God, why do humans smell the flowers, but
seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Where are their priorities?"
"Dear God, when we get to heaven, can we sit on
your couch? Or is it the same old story?"
"Dear God, why are cars named for the eagle, the
cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, the rabbit, etc., but not ONE named for a dog? How
often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs
love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'? "
"Dear God, if a dog barks his head off in the
forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?"
"Dear God, if we come back as humans, is that
good or bad?"
"Dear God, more meatballs, less spaghetti,
please."
"Dear God, when we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?"
"Dear God, are there dogs on other planets or are
we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is
the Schnauzer across the street."
"Dear God, are there mailmen in Heaven? If there
are, will I have to apologize?"
"Dear God, we dogs can understand human verbal
instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?"
"Dear God, may I PLEASE have my testicles back?"
"Dear God, these are just some of the things I
must remember to keep my present living arrangements. So, please help me remember:
#1 The garbage collector is not stealing our
stuff.
#2 I do not need to suddenly stand straight up
when I'm lying under the coffee table.
#3 I will not roll my toys behind the fridge,
behind the sofa or under the bed.
#4 I must shake the rainwater out of my fur
before entering the house.
#5 I will not eat the cats' food before they eat
it or after they throw it up.
#6 I will stop trying to find the few remaining
pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
#7 I will not throw up in the car.
#8 I will not roll on dead birds, fish, crabs,
duck poop etc., just because I like the way they smell.
#9 I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty
litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.
#10 I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins
and then redeposit them on the floor after processing.
#11 I will not chew my humans' toothbrushes and
not tell them.
#12 I will not chew crayons or pens, specially
not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
#13 When in the car, I will not insist on having
the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
#14 We do not have a doorbell so I will not bark
each time I hear one on television.
#15 I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with them.
#16 The sofa is not a face towel; neither are mom
and dad's laps.
#17 My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
#18 I will not bite the officer's hand when he
reaches in for mom's driver's license and registration.
#19 I will not play tug-of-war with dad's
underwear when he's on the toilet.
#20 I will not roll around in the dirt right
after getting a bath.
#21 Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not
an acceptable way of saying "hello."
#22 I will not sit in the middle of the living
room and lick my crotch when company is over.
#23 The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play
with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
